Proud of You
by CTMoss
Summary: I just realized how many times Jess told Nick she was proud of him this season, and most of the time he's not even doing anything that anyone could consider pride-worthy. Very strange. This is my way of making sense of that. Probably getting Jossed by Tuesday, which is why I'm getting it in under the wire.


p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"Proud of You/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"Jess looks down, swallows, then looks up at him again through her lashes, willing him to remember. His warm brown eyes remember nothing, which she tells herself is nothing personal, really. Who wouldn't want to forget everything about the night they broke up?/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"-/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"A year ago, and 15 minutes after/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"She took her time in the bathroom, washing her face before deciding to take another bath, and yes, crying in the shower. Jess returned to the room, back in her pajamas, and was surprised to see Nick fixing up two improvised beds on each side of his ruined mattress. He looked at her as she entered. "Hey. Take your pick, although the one near the closet is softer. I used your blankets on that," he smiled sheepishly./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Oh, that's ok, take wherever you feel comfortable," she said, delaying her choice by picking up a brush and combing her hair out as she watched Nick settle wearily into the bed nearest the window. His arm was over his eyes when she stretched out beside him./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Your bed's over there," Nick said softly as his arms folded around her, tighter than he probably realized, but Jess had no interest in a protest./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Yeah, I know. I got lost," she said in a whisper before she closed her lips over his. Her eyes welled up as their kiss deepened. This was a goodbye kind of kiss, the kind that put a stop to a relationship she started by begging Nick not to say no. She was in tears then, too. "What are we doing? Why are we doing this?" she asked him, unconsciously grabbing at the front of his sleep-shirt. She realized later that she was probably begging him again, but the epic headache from True American was still in effect./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""God, Jess, I don't know. Here's the thing though," he said, his accent deepening, like it always did when he was stressed. "I love ya. I have always loved ya. I always will. And I can't keep pretending that I can offer you the future you talked about."/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""I don't really want that. It was the hangover talking," she protested./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Yeah, ya do," he said, with a ghost of a smile. "Come on,Jess, ya had a lake and a pony and a cottage and everything. You've been planning that probably since you were 10. And I realized I wanted you to have that, but there's a giant chance that I'm not the guy who can give that future to ya. And I don't want to see you look at me with those disappointed eyes again. Because you do-"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Oh come on, Nick!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""—And I deserve it every time," he said sadly, rubbing her arms with his palms and guiding her until she lay on his broad chest. "I don't want to wait until I've disappointed you so many times you'd come to hate me. So this is me, being accepting of the fact that we're better off broken off, ya know? I'm not a guy you're going to be proud of."/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"She gasped and sat up. "Did I ever make you feel that way? God, Nick, I'm proud of you. I am. You have to believe that." She thumped at his chest for emphasis./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""I believe ya, but lie down, dammit. The other guys are mad enough at us already," he said, and Jess giggled, but lay down again, on Nick's pillow, eye to eye with him. "I'm proud of you, Nick," Jess said, simply./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;""Thank God for that," he said. She fell asleep quickly after that, the exhausting day clearly catching up with her. Which is why she was so surprised when she woke up, at daybreak, on the other bed. He meant it, she thought. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. I thought he changed his mind./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"There was no other way, she thought. She would not be the girl who hurt Nick Miller. If the only way not to hurt him was to break up, then that's what Jessica Day was going to do./p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"-/p  
p style="margin-bottom: .14in; line-height: 115%;"Nick stirred the sauce as Jess looked down, swallowed, and looked up at him through her lashes. "I'm proud of you, Nick," she said haltingly, and he wondered if she knew what that phrase did to his heart. She wondered if she remembered the first time she said that to him, the last time they shared a bed. And then he decided she probably meant nothing by it. She's a good friend, she's a good friend, good Lord that was out of context, she's a good friend. Jess can't possibly want to get back together. And Nick Miller wasn't going to be the guy who hurt Jessica Day./p 


End file.
